Luminous Heart’s Neighborhood

The world is going to hell in a hand basket. But it is no one's fault.

When we were building our house a few years ago, everytime we questioned a mistake or poor workmanship we were told that "the apprentice did that". They always blamed the youngest and newest member of the team. The last few days we have been trying to sort out financing and purchase of a company car. The excuse this time is that "we didn't get the fax". This is also an excuse I was given frequently from publishers when I worked in the Basement of Discontent. No one ever says "I made a mistake", "I didn't  notice" or "I can't locate it". The blame is always put back onto someone else, or back on you. The fax didn't arrive it must mean you made a mistake/didn't send it/whatever guilt they can apply to you.

Then you have to make a series of phone calls just to get someone to refax the damn thing. When you do, they tell you that you missed the cut of by 46 seconds and they can't do anything about it until next day. Sorry, even if it is heart transplant surgery and you are lying with your chest ripped open and your dying heart exposed waiting for the replacement, if you can't get off that table and refax your form then there is nothing they can do.

I hate being cynical, but it is all getting to much. The same people think that customer service is speaking poilitely to you, and being friendly and smiling, not actually doing their job in a speedy and efficient manner. Actually complete a simple task in the time available - they say no, no, no!

I have spent a long time in various service positions and I have always found that the easiest way to do my job was to do it efficently and as soon as possible. It actually decreased the stress in my life, and made other people happy. Win/win situation for all. Problems got attended to immediately and flexibility a given. From little things big things don't always have to grow.

So, I can't help but wonder when these same people all arrive to speak with the Big Whatever just what excuses they will give. Who will they blame? When they lie dying on their hospital bed, who will they blame for all the wrongs they did? Will the messes in their lives be thrown upon the shoulders of someone else? I suspect they will revert to habit and look for a scapegoat, but they will really know, won't they? They will know that they could have done better. And if there is any justice in the world, if the Big Whatever turns them away from the doorstep, I hope the Big Whatever just gives one shrug of the mighty shoulders and says "Not my fault, it was all up to you.".

Are you prepared in case of a natural disaster? What do your plan and preparations include?

lol, what a strange question! Are we expecting one then?

I'm obsessive compulsive enough thanks. If I start worrying about potential natural disasters I'll be a nervous wreck.

Although, we are going to Thailand at christmas time, and I must admit that the thought has crossed my mind as I run on the treadmill each morning, that'll I'll be right to run a long way up into the mountains if a tsunami hits. Maybe even carrying one small child on my back. Which rules out my kids because they're all much bigger than me. Which is good because I won't have to do the Sophies Choice thing.

Remember when everyone was freaking out about the Y2K thing? I said to Daz, maybe we should stock up on food. And when the year 2000 clicked over with no problems I looked in the laundry and we had stocked one bottle of water and a 4 pack of baked beans. It was a pretty piss poor effort really. We'd have lasted a morning.

I think to be prepared for a natural disaster the best thing you can do is forget about supplies and just stock up on weapons. Lots of guns and ammo. Thats your best bet, because you're going to have to kill a lot of crazy desperate people to get to the supermarket and the bottle shop. Maybe even zombies. I'm not sure what sort of disaster we're talking about. Oh yes,there they are,  I wasn't looking properly. No zombies, so that makes it a bit easier.

And nail polish. Stock up on nail polish. Because new nail polish always makes you feel better.

My new bottles arrived in the mail the other day.

I'm wearing blue at the moment. But I'm wishing I'd picked Calypso.

 

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Is that a dragon I see before me?

Night 1:

Flamingo Dancer returns from the bathroom and Mr FD asks:

"Did you see any dragons?"

"Yes," said I. "They were bar-b-queing the yaks"

"I hope there are some leftovers for breakfast" he says and goes back to sleep.

Night 2:

Mr FD returns from the bathroom and I  ask:

"Did you see any dragons?"

"Dragons!" Mr FD exclaims. "I am sick of slaying dragons. Day in, day out, nothing but dragon slaying. At least they could keep it down to one a day." He returns to bed and goes back to sleep.

Dragons and yaks in our backyard...the neighbours are not going to be happy at all.

~

I am scared of squirrels.   Irrational I know and I'm annoyed at myself for being afraid of such a cute looking little thing. 
I'd never seen a "real" squirrel until my first day here and when I saw them I raved over their sweet little faces and bushy twitching tails. 

My second day here I met a kamikaze squirrel.  Instead of running away from me it ran straight at me and stamping feet and noise did not deter it.    It only stopped when I ran away and then, looking over my shoulder,  I swear I saw it smile. 

This fear is especially pathetic as I come from the land of more than a few of the world's top 10 deadliest snakes, the small Funnel Web Spider and the Blue Ringed Octopus. I have a healthy respect for these but am not particularly terrified of them.

But squirrels...  I give way to even if it means walking onto the roadway; I give wide berth to trees where I spot a squirrel and I never stand still in a park!

We don't have any squirrels in our little yard;  I suspect because of all the pepper (chili) plants we have around but yesterday I noticed a neighbour is actively encouraging them ....   I would never be able to leave the house if this was at my front door!

This little girl was having a feast.  Of course this was taken from well back on the sidewalk! 

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I'm trying to quit apologizing for my Vox absences; things are the way they are. Instead, I want to share our brunch recipe for this weekend. Its easy, nutritious, and delicious.

Paneer spinach chard stir fry

This dish is best made with fresh cottage cheese or paneer. Store brought paneer, fresh Mexican cheese (the kind that does not melt) and tofu will work, but do try it with fresh paneer. Its delicious!

To make about 2 cups of paneer, you will need:

A large 2 quart microwave safe glass bowl/jug
2 quarts 2% milk
1/4 cup white vinegar (Different people use different curdling agents. Using yogurt will give you a milder tasting paneer. My mother always uses fresh lime juice as a curdling agent. It gives a fresher-tasting paneer.)
A large fine-mesh sieve, or a colander lined with muslin/layered cheesecloth

Heat the milk in the microwave until it comes to a boil. In my microwave, this takes about 14 minutes. Alternatively, you can boil the milk on the stove. When it comes to a rolling boil, stir in the vinegar. You'll see the milk start to separate.

Continue heating for another couple of minutes or until the greenish whey completely separates from the curds. Drain this mixture through the sieve, using your spoon to press out the whey.

You can save the whey and use it in other recipes-remember, its a little sweet. I like to use it to make rice and smoothies.

There it is, fresh paneer. Try tasting it with a little seasoned salt or sugar.  You can also add salt, pepper and herbs to the curd-whey mixture before draining it to get seasoned paneer.

Other ingredients for the stir fry:
6 cups fresh spinach, chopped
2 cups chard, chopped
1 tbsp butter
1 tsp cumin seeds
1 tbsp powdered coriander
1/2 tsp turmeric
2 green chillies, chopped
one clove garlic, minced
salt and pepper to taste

Melt the butter in a large skillet.
Add the cumin, coriander, turmeric, and stir until the cumin seeds pop.
Then add the green chillies, garlic. Saute for a few seconds, and add the paneer.
Crumble the paneer with the back of your spoon and saute until nicely browned. 
Add the greens and saute until they are just wilted.
Season with salt and pepper and serve hot with naan/garlic toast/rice. Enjoy!

I admit to being a Denise Austin fan. Even though she never shuts up. And she always lies. But you get used to that. I now know that when she says

just one more

She doesn't really mean just one more. She means just that one more then a few more after that.

I've been doing the Fat Blasting Yoga dvd. Its pretty strenuous. And just when you think its over she brings out the stability ball and does another 15 minutes.

When I first started doing it a few weeks ago my legs would be wobbling and shaking from the effort but now I'm pretty good. My thighs feel like they're packed with cement actually. Jem was feeling them the other night and said I'll be able to crack coconuts with them. Which I guess could come in handy someday.

And I've lost 5 kilos which is also pretty handy. 4 more to go. But my aim is really firmness. I want to firm up all those bits that start going soft after 40. You know where they are. Triceps, back fat over the bra, thighs, well lots of places really.

And I made this magnet a couple of years ago when I was trying to lose weight and I think its time to put it back on the fridge to help the cause. Because she's 52 and looks pretty damn fine. And firm. Thats my aim. To be fitter at 50 than ever before. So I have 5 years up my sleeve.

Denise-austin

We have finished Le Grande Coq and moved onto a Cockfighter's Ghost...is anyone sensing a theme here? Besides drinking and happy dancing in celebration that is. Language is no barrier.

Cockfighter's ghost : Named after a ghostly steed, said to reside upon Pooles Rock vineyard

viewing the light at the end of the tunnel

I had a great moment early yesterday morning, as I sat in the lecturer theatre waiting for the conference to begin and for my scheduled time to present my conference paper. Well, I had a couple actually, but one was earth shattering.

On the very first day of my studies this year, I struggled with flipping the lecturer table up on my seat in the first lecture hall and I had to be shown how to get the damn thing into position. Yesterday morning, in a totally different lecturer theatre, I saw my neighbour struggling with her lecturer table and assisted her to get it up and into place. I laughed and said what a sense of achievement I felt from that one little thing. It seemed to represent in some way the long journey that I have been on this year. Of course the sage in front of me laughed and said 'let's hope that is not all we have learnt this year'. It wouldn't have mattered all that much if it was, as I have changed so much over this year, met some wonderful people, who, while I know they won't stay in my life after this week, have contributed to a very profound expreince for me.

I was reading the conference booklet, looking at all the great papers being presented that day, and feeling my nervousness mounting, when my tutor walked by. I wish such a teacher on every student at some stage in their life, and hopefully at a time when they can gain most from them. She turned and called out to me 'Flamingo Dancer! You are going to be great today, you have written a really fantastic paper and your power point slides are wonderful!' I said that I guessed it was only a half hour of my life, but I was still feeling nervous. And then she stopped and thought a moment and she smiled and said ' Think of it this way, you are presenting for all the people in the world who suffer anxiety because of their difficulties with perfectionism'. And at that moment, I calmed down. She was right, as here I was having a chance to present to a group of educators a problem that I know has severely handicapped the lives of several people I know and more than a few students I saw while prac teaching. If my few simple words made an imprint on one of them, and they could help one person as a result, and even though I will never know that, I will have lived a life well lived.

I was 3rd to present. It was a good position as we were all fresh and not yet uncomforatble from sitting for too long. I was happy with my performance. Well, I am Flamingo Dancer after all! Actually I was more than pleased with my presentation because when I started this degree course I was so frightened at the thought of standing up in front of my peers and speaking that I really worried whether I would be able to complete the course. Now I can stand up in front of a room of strangers and speak. Maybe sometimes it is incoherent, or dribble, but damn I can do it.

Afterwards a couple of people came up to me and said how much they enjoyed my presentation and how they identified many aspects of their own personalities in what I had described. I suspect that most university students suffer from perfectionism to some degree, how else do they stay the course? Of course we all have to write 'attention to detail' on our resume, don't we? So we are expected to be perfectionists, even though it makes our life unhappy  and often derails our learning. I felt please anyway, because I had delivered my message and hopefully the message will be passed on.

At the end of the day, most of my colleagues were going for drinks, but I was exhausted and had arranged for Son to pick me up anyway. I must admit that sitting from 8.30am to 5.30pm with just a lunch break and a couple of toilet breaks really put my back and neck into painful zones, so I really did just want to go home. They didn't need Flamingo Dancer dancing on the tables and telling everyong that she loved them in a slurred tongue. Not that I wouldn't have done it in an original memorable suprior style! 

So all I can say is - take that leap, test yourself, go for the mountain top. AGE DOESN"T MATTER!  It won't be easy and it will be scarey. At times you will be exhausted, and frightened and overwhelmed. There are no guarantees at the end. No promises that you will get a better job, or a pot of gold, but what you gain as a person, the little treasures that come your way on the journey are worth every moment of the journey, pain and all. Join the parade.

Once upon a time, after finishing up my B.A. in English and filled with bright visions of writing and creating for a living, I stumbled unaware into a career in the health industry. This twisting, brambled path led me into darkness. Amidst the darkest days of despair and anguish, lost in a forest of regret and self-loathing, I saw a glimmer of light between the trees.

Despite finding myself in an industry that I had no desire nor preparation to be a part of, I found a small interest in the raw mechanics of the human body.

The blood lab at the hospital would come every morning towards the end of my over-night shifts and draw their labs from patients. I came to know through the process of inputting every medical order what each lab measured and why. Surgeries were prepped for and tests performed, and I became familiar with the GI tract and respiratory system and the endocrine system and their many complications and solutions.

Later, at the SNF, I witnessed the devastation of dementia and was intrigued by stage IV wound care and how to teach someone who'd broken a hip or suffered a stroke to walk and eat again. As in the hospital, the corporate part and the AMA and the needless drugs and procedures and medications infuriated and outraged me, but the rest was like taking a great live-action health class.

You see, I hated the medical industry for the most part, but by God, I loved the marvels of the human body.

After leaving the SNF I started my CMT journey. Since becoming a massage therapist, I've taken additional classes to become certified in more specific areas like Reiki and Pre- and Post- Natal bodywork. The learning never has to end, and I love it.

I remember one time talking to my husband about things that interest me for my future career, and how much I've become an enthusiast about childbirth, particularly natural methods. I've read some amazing literature on childbirth in various world cultures and have always loved it. The conversation came and went.

This last May, we were on a trip to the coast for the weekend and I again brought up how I think I'd like to think about becoming a childbirth doula. Being a massage therapist is a great foundation. As we talked about it, a little green car changed lanes right in front of us. Across the back windshield was a giant sticker: www.my3doulas.com. Strange, to say the least. 

In class that same month, someone found an ad for the Kate Jordan Bodywork for the Childbearing Year Seminars in a massage magazine. This intense workshop would certify you in bodywork techniques for pre-natal, post-partum, and labor support. I signed up right away, and my passion was further ignited.

Now my sister is pregnant. Although I haven't worked with her as much lately as I'd have liked to, we talk about her pregnancy frequently. She surprised me by saying that she was seeking out the Bradley Birthing Method classes in our area, (I'm so proud,) and she'd like to have a doula or a labor support present, and that if I feel that by that time I would be confident enough she thinks I'd be the best person. I am overjoyed. She contacted the most well-known doula in the area (there are not many here) and though she was unable to meeting with my sister for classes, they got to talking about me. Doula says that my certification is wonderful and the greatest thing have as a doula, and that I should give her a call. She's had a few other ladies contact her about mentorship, so if she gets enough of us, she can bring the doula training right here to Fresno.

I have her number in my planner. I keep staring at it. 

What if everything- from my English degree and interst in anthropology, to my "accidental" step into healthcare, to massage therapy, to my additional certification, has been leading me to this? What if all along these heartbreaks and triumphs have been setting a foundation to do something that I am sincerely interested in? And with a pregnant sister who needs me, I have more reason than ever to persue it now.

Standing on the cusp of something unexpected, I am almost frightened. This may mean leaving a job that has treated me well for a year (though isn't at all what I want for a career.) It may mean another financial sacrifice. It may mean changing everything.

I haven't called her. I'm mustering something up inside that I cannot describe.